I have been having a little internal war with myself over the last few days and have been hellishly blue as a result. I’ve been feeling totally purposeless without knowing when/where I’ll be working, feeling like I need to have a ‘good’ ‘impressive’ job right off the bat, etc etc. You all know how this internal diatribe goes and it is bogussssss.
Really, I should be focusing on enjoying the brand new city I’m living in, taking the time to set up our little house, and exploring to my hearts content. I currently have ZERO commitments, which is something I usually just dream of. Instead, it’s been making me crazy anxious. What a stupid surprise.
I just need to accept the fact that I need to… slow down. Way down. ‘Everything in it’s time’ slow down, you know what I mean? I don’t know if you know this, but I’m an exceptionally impatient person and aaaaall about the instant gratification. I also hate surprises and purposely look up the end of movies because I want to know what happens. I know. I’m a monster.
So, all of that being said, I’m going to ~chill right out~ and focus all of my energy on savouring this crazy amount of free time I have instead of panicking about how I don’t know what’s going on right this second. I’m just going to trust that it’s going to come to me when it’s time (obviously I’m going to put in the effort, I’m not just sitting around hoping a job will land in my lap) and know that it’s all going to be good. God knows that now that I’m like ‘hell yeah, free time! nothing to do!’ I’m going to get busy and working and dream of this empty blissful calendar.
Maybe I just want a reason to use my day planner? Psychologists, any insight? No? Okay.
Even if that’s the case… it’s all gravy, baby. Halifax is dope. My apartment rocks. My husband is cool and tolerant of my cranky panic attacks. La vie est belle.