Heart Life

i don’t know what i’m doing

If you guys haven’t found your spiritually kickass life guru yet, I really can’t recommend it enough. I recently went back to the tiny town I grew up in for a visit, and going back sort of gave me one of those weird moments of like… what do I say when people ask what I’m doing? Cause really, I’ve got no idea what I’m doing or what I even really want to do.

With our cross country move impending (51 days!!) and everything sort of in flux, it’s a weird time for me. I don’t have a job lined up for when we get there, which is okay, but it’s like… so what am I doing? Where do I want to go from here?

My pink haired Yoda nearly blew my face off with all the wisdoms she gave me. First thing she asked me:

What do you like doing?

Uh. Well, I like reading. I like cooking. I like blogging and never do it enough so inevitably go on a downwards spiral of writers block and lack of inspiration and then never do it even more. Also, I like dancing to 80’s music.

Right. So, okay. We’re sort of… starting somewhere, at least.

Then she asked me: what are you good at?

You’d be surprised by how freaking hard that question was to answer. It seemed like everything that came out of my mouth was a question.

Cooking?

I’m funny?

Writing?

She said, and I quote: “Take the freaking question mark out and try again.”

It gets easier when you’ve got someone you know is going to give you a ‘hell yes’ to even your most hesitant of statements.

She made it seem easy: start with what you have, commit, back yourself up and just give it a go. Don’t know what you’re doing but you want to blog? Blog about not knowing what you’re doing. Want to commit to blogging and build it up and really make something you’re proud of? Then you’ve got to show up, and show up to it every damn day, whether it’s physically, mentally, or spiritually. Manifest that sucker.

So yeah, right now I’ve got no idea what I’m doing and it’s pretty scary. I don’t like feeling like I’ve got no purpose. To which I know my pink haired Yoda will say: your purpose right now is to find your purpose. Chase it. Breathe it. Live it. Get it.

I’ll do just that.

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